Marchen

Once upon a time, not so long ago, there lived a woman who received an email promising a $25 coupon to use at her favorite clothing store.  This pleased her to no end, as in the past year she had lost a considerable amount of weight which made it quite necessary to purchase new clothing as the attire she currently wore fell from her form.  It is important to note too, that she was the mother of 3 teenagers: her older son grew in a vertical direction with such speed, she was certain that he would have his head in the clouds post haste; her middle child, also a son, underwent a metamorphosis of such magnitude in the very same year, that he changed from a boy to a man within a Summer Solstice; her youngest child, being a fair maiden, seemed to require more attention to her body than her mother could give heed to.  As the woman's husband was always hard at work, being quite industrious with his time, skills, intellect and creativity, she felt the coupon was Heaven-sent for her to provide clothes for her children who busted at the seams and she who had no more bust to fill her seams.

To acquire the coupon, however, it was necessary to complete an online survey.  It was a loathsome task, one that she rarely took and avoided most vehemently.  Remembering her husband's putting his shoulder to the proverbial plow and the great want in wardrobe, she buckled down for the painful 30 minutes to complete the ugsome survey for the sake of the family.

She answered scores of questions:  What toilet tissue do you prefer?; Are you a college graduate?; Do you have children?; Are you planning a vacation?; Are you pregnant or plan to become pregnant?; and here I will pause in my tale of this woman to say that the latter question is what this tale hinges upon, for she answered multiple times in the negative, but with little acknowledgment from the data collectors.  It was unknown to her at that moment, as she still needed to finish the questionnaire.  All the more aggravating was that at the end of the survey, she was redirected to yet another website to print a coupon, instead of the online coupon, and that she would yet have to jump through more hoops to obtain said coupon worth $25.  At this point, feeling her time was not well spent, as she ignored all and everyone else while she performed, what she thought was a task most beneficial, turned out to be quite the opposite.  Forlorn that she could not assist and lift a burden from her husband by saving money for the needed vestments and outraged at the wasted time spent on silly online survey and putting aside her time spent with family, she surrendered the idea of chasing down the printable coupon, fearing it would only further detract her attentions from her loved ones.

Later that afternoon, her husband put this question to her, "Is there something that you need to tell me?"  Befuddled the woman said that no, there was nothing that came to her mind that she needed to share.  She and her husband spoke most often and without hindrance so she could determine no such notion that she had not already expressed.  He then revealed the genesis of his curiosity.  He received an email from the company giving the survey she had taken as a confirmation that she had signed up for a Pregnancy magazine.  This became a topic of amusement, as they had taken permanent precautions to prevent pregnancy.  (And who wouldn't with the predicament of clothing 3 children now!?!?)

Within the following weeks, the woman received her first magazine.  At first examination, it gave her a smile, which she shared with her husband.  However, after the second periodical arrived, it reminded her more of partaking in the stupidity of completing online surveys.  Her husband shared her frustration.  Proving how he provided for her in a plethora of areas, he contacted the survey company explaining that his wife, who had completed their form, was NOT in fact pregnant and to please remove her name from the magazine that they found regularly in their mail receptacle.  The company agreed.

Relief was felt.  Both wife and husband were well pleased that the removal had been relatively easy and that no future reminder of her folly would be sent.

A series of most unfortunate events began.  She no longer received the magazine, which was good, but she opened an unexpected package to find a baby rattle.  It dawned on her that while the company no longer believed that she was pregnant, they didn't realize it was because she was Never pregnant, but that she had delivered her baby and now required items for the bundle of joy.

Now as it happened, the woman knew a fair number of families who did have babies, and so she gave the rattle to the first baby she saw.  She felt that since taking the survey led to the silliness of getting a magazine, and that having her husband contact the company to state their barrenness only led to having items for babies, that she would instead just donate the received token to a friend.

Until this arrived only a few days ago,

Must one send notice that said imaginary baby went to be with Jesus so that no more unwanted items appear?