Determination

A couple of weeks ago I proudly announced to the ladies' group from church via Facebook, that I had begun my Christmas craft to exchange at the annual party.  Below is a picture of my progress at the time that I posted. 

 I was excited because I seemed to be plugging along and seemed to be optimizing my time since I was knitting during downtime in school while the kids needed my presence, but not my focused attention at the time.  Yay me!  But as with many things in life, just when we think we are in a good place, or that we've advanced, something else lets us know that we aren't where we thought we were.  I know, I'm speaking in code or another language to some and I do apologize for beasting around the bush (only my mother and sister will appreciate that joke), but I need to be obtuse at the moment. 

After ripping out row after row after row and restarting more than a dozen times, I have reality looking me smack in the face.  Below is all the further I am with my project after 2 weeks.

Considering the small size of the project, 2 weeks is a very long time.  I've learned many things while being in Belize and this knitting project summarizes part of that for me.  I'm not where I thought I was in life.  I've had to reorganize my time like I did with the project.  I can't knit with the kids around or I lose track of what stitch I'm on.  I have to give my full attention to some things where I thought I was succeeding before but it was due to my lack of attention and thinking I was ahead instead of observing the reality. 

How often do many of us find ourselves in this predicament?  We have a rude awakening and have to rip things apart and start over again and again.  Re-evaluate.  Try again. 

I learn over and over again that My Heavenly Father is the only One who will always love me and never foresake me.  My reality checks happen when I stop making Him the center of my day, life, marriage, mothering, (fill in the blank).  I have to have determination to pick myself up and start over again.  When I lack the will or the "want to" the Bible says that I can ask for a willing spirit to sustain me.  My verse this week is Psalm 51:12.  I've had this memorized for years.  It is written on my heart, but still I forget it in my daily life sometimes and then the ugliness of life snowballs and WHAM! I'm not where I thought I was. 

Restore to me the joy of your salvation and grant me a willing spirit to sustain me.